When the scholars of the Irish Mountaineers and Explorers Historical Society are pursuing their researches I hope they will not neglect to record the non-mountaineering achievements of Conchobhar O’Shaughnessy, that most erudite of climbers. Some of you may recall that it was O’Shaughnessy who formulated the Fundamental Law of Climbing which states that Equipment multiplies so as to fill the time available for its discussion. The brilliant flash of inspiration that led to this intellectual breakthrough came to O’Shaughnessy when he was unwinding in one of the watering holes of Chamonix after his epic solo ascent of the West Face of the Dru.

In his youth O’Shaughnessy spent much time roaming the Macgillicuddy’s Reeks of his native Kerry but like Alexander he yearned for new worlds to conquer and he set his sights firmly on the Alps. There was one difficulty, money. Like the rest of us who started their Alpine careers when the Celtic Tiger was a tiny cub he was chronically hard up. How could he get together the price of a rail ticket to the Alps? You will note I said rail ticket. In those days only land speculators and local councillors, who in the fullness of time qualified for Ansbacher accounts, could afford to travel by air. Being a cute Kerryman he knew the quickest way to make money was to get a job on a building site in London so off he headed.

One night after a hard day’s slogging Conchobhar was relaxing in the pub with his navvy mates when an argument developed as to who was the best man with a pick and shovel. Some said it was Big Mac from Mayo, others that it was Ginger from Gurranbraher while still more swore that Daniel O’Donnell, the hunk from Donegal, would wipe the floor with the lot of them. Voices were raised and tempers flared but before a riot erupted someone suggested having a competition to settle the argument. The rules were quickly agreed. The winner would be the man who could dig out three cubic yards of earth quicker than anyone else using only pick and shovel. Each competitor would chip in a fiver, the winner to take all. To give everyone a fair chance each building site would organise a local event and the winner would go forward to the All England Hole Digging Final to be held on St Patrick’s Day on the Isle of Dogs. Our hero, Conchobhar, made it to the final.

Word of the competition spread and a huge crowd assembled to watch. Bets were laid, pints downed and favourites cheered to the echo. All the papers from the tabloids to the staid broadsheets such as the Times and the Guardian sent reporters cover the event. Even the BBC let its hair down and had Richard Dimbley on site to give a running commentary. The starter’s whistle blew, picks dug into the earth, shovels worked furiously and soil flew out of the holes like rock and ash spewing from Vesuvius in the throes of an eruption. At first the diggers were neck and neck but as the minutes ticked by and muscles wearied it became clear that the winner would be Dan from Donegal, Big Mac or the rank outsider Conchobhar from Kerry. The tension mounted and the crowd went wild, yelling and cheering on the protagonists. With a shout of triumph Conchobhar tossed the last shovel full of clay out of the hole and the timekeeper declared him the winner, beating Big Mac by a margin of 41·03 seconds.

After he had got his second wind and quenched his thirst with a pint he was brought before the cameras to be interviewed by Richard Dimbley. “Tell me, Mr O’Shaughnessy,” he asked, “why do you dig holes?” Wiping the froth of the Guinness from his upper lip Conchobhar replied, “Because they are not there.”

Digging for Victory

A thousand fans watched 200 teams digging holes last week in Japan's All National Hole Digging competition. Road crews and other professional diggers competed alongside teams of children for the prestigious "Golden Shovel", awarded to the team that managed to dig the deepest hole in 30 minutes. Any team caught putting earth into a competitor's hole faced disqualification. The winning team reached a depth of 10ft 8in.

One of the competitors, a water engineer called Nobutaka Nakane, said: "We look at dirt every day. But being here and having people pass by and say it looks really nice makes me very happy."